dir en grey meets metallica
by Xule
Summary: when jrock and heavy metal collide.
1. Chapter 1

_**Metallica meets Diru**_

The concert over, they all straggled backstage, exhausted, their faces flushed & their bodies drenched in sweat. Kyo immediately flopped down on one of the sofas. Shinya hurried to his vanity to begin the arduous task of removing thee semi-solid mask of sweat & make-up.

Toshiya took a seat near Kyo & lit a cigarette. Shinya couldn't help but turn & wrinkle his nose at him.

"Do you have to smoke in her Totchi?"

Toshiya grinned. "Hai," exhaling a large amount of smoke as he said so.

Shinya grumbled but resumed his work. Die came out from the bathroom & set about peeling off his tight latex jacket.

"Cool as this stuff looks," he muttered," it's still a fucking bitch."

Kaoru chuckled ."Yeah, but it makes the girls happy."

Die cackled. "Yeah, & you'd know all about that."

Kaoru stuck out his tongue & began removing his make-up.

Die turned to Toshiya & pouted. "Cigarette, ne?"

"Awe, you know I can't resist that pout," Toshiya said, tossing him the packet.

Sheltering the cigarette carefully from the draught coming through the vent, Die lit up. He took a long drag, feeling the heat of smoke filling his lungs, before replying.

"Arigatou darling," he said, laying his hand on Toshiya's shoulder.

"Good crowd tonight, ne?"

"Hai, definitely. The crowd was amazing. We haven't played that good in a while."

"I wonder how that other band are getting on. You know…..whatstheirname," Kyo mused from the other end of the couch.

Kaoru shrugged. "I dunno. They should be finishing soon. Ask them when they come out."

Kyo laughed. "With my English? I'm sorry, who dropped out of high school? You do it," Kyo retorted, pointing at Kaoru.

Shinya stood by the open door, the night's make-up successfully dislodged.

"The crowd's so pumped," he commented. "The ground's shaking, can you feel it?"

"Hai," replied Kaoru. "They weren't that loud for us."

"Well, we're not Metallica, are we?" Die pointed. "Maybe in a few years we can go international. Then that'll be _us_!"

Toshiya laughed & nudged Die. " You sound like a fangirl, ne?"

Die pouted. "Girl!? At least I don't wear skirts!"

"I thought you liked a bit of thigh action, Die-kun."

As Toshiya said this, he ''accidently'' let his skirt fall in such a way as to show Die a perfectly white thigh.

Die smiled. "I like a bit more than thigh action." He ran his fingers delicately through Toshiya's hair.

Toshiya's eye's met his with a seductive stare. His spidery hand crept around Die's waist.

"& you might just get more, if you're good."

Shinya rolled his eyes.

"Not again!" he growled as he gracefully glided out of the room o his possum wings.

Kyo jumped form his seat& peered out the door, a surprised & confused look on his face. Realisation dawning, he sighed in relief.

" I forgot he had wings like a possum," he said, scratching the back of his head & blushing slightly.

Kaoru laughed, but seemed to be the only one paying Kyo any attention, as Toshiya & Die were evidently too caught up in each other.

Turning around, Kyo caught sight of the spectacle on the couch.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, get a room!" he cried, tossing over a pillow, momentarily interrupting the action.

"We have a room," Toshiya snapped back." It's not out fault you happen to be in it."

With that the groping & moaning resumed. Kyo raised an eyebrow & Kaoru & they both stalked out of the room.

Now alone the real action began. Die grabbed Toshiya & threw him on his back on the couch, whilst kissing him. Toshiya was now pinned down & could feel Die's _every_ movement. He broke away from the kiss & smirked.

"That had better be your penis."

Toshiya allowed his hands to roam freely over Die's bare chest, eager mouth nipping at his lips & neck. Die, with a deep moan, began to rip the flimsy PVC of Toshiya's top off.

Die began smothering Toshiya's perfectly white chest in kisses, gradually moving to his stomach. He flicked his tongue in to his belly button, causing Toshiya to draw his breath in sharply.

"Like it, ne?" die said with an impish grin. "What if I go lower?"

Toshiya drew in a ragged breath.

"Hai! Hai, kudasai!"

With shaking hands, Die began to undo Toshiya.

Just as he was in reach of what he lusted for, the door banged open. The two interrupted lovers looked up like dear caught in the headlights as James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kirk Hammet & Robert Trujillo strolled unsuspectingly into the room.

Toshiya made a sound that could only be described as a yelp of a small animal being trod on. Die jumped up in alarm & grabbed the nearest cushion to cover his crotch.

Kirk looked on with eyes big enough to resemble a manga character, as did Lars & the others. Everyone in the room stared at each other, each with increasingly red faces.

James, all too aware of the tension in the room, let out a nervous laugh & strolled over to a table covered in food lining the far wall. Die leapt aside, fearful that he would express some form of homophobia through violence. James attempted no such thing. Desperate to relieve the tension, he picked up two narrow, oval shaped slices of pickle, placed them in front of his eyes & said in a mock-Japanese accent: "I know Kung Fu!"

Die glared, unsure whether or not to punch him. But, given the situation, decided against it. He turned to Toshiya, but found an empty space that should have occupied his lover. Seeing his confusion, Kirk pointed out the door.

" He went that way," he said, not quiet looking Die in the eyes.

"Arigatou," Die said hastily, & practically ran out of the room.

Kirk cleared his throat; Lars began scratching furiously; Rob spat in the corner; James let out another laugh.

"Oh well," he said after a pregnant silence. "New experiences, that's why we travel to different countries, huh?"

Rob chuckled. "Yeah, but I would have been a bit better off without _that_ particular experience."

"Oh well," broke in Lars. "Let's put it behind us. We've something more important to deal with."

Winking at Kirk, he went over to his station& from one of the drawers pulled out a clumsily wrapped package. He handed it to him.

"Happy birthday buddy," he said.

Kirk grinned & took the wrapped gift from his friend. In a falsetto tone he joked, "You remembered! How thoughtful!"

Without further adieu, Kirk ripped the wrapping off to discover just what exactly his gift was: a carved wooden Hawaiian statuette.

His face lit up.

"Oh cool!" he exclaimed.

With that James & Rob pulled out their presents; a new mega-boogie pedal & an original prop from Boris Karloff's "The Mummy" respectively. Kirk hugged them each in turn.

"Thanks so much, you guys."

Having already ransacked his own mini-bar, Kyo decided to visit Kaoru & "borrow" something – or six – from his. Finding the door ajar, he peered in before entering. What he saw was definitely a first for him.

Closing the door quietly behind him, he crossed his arms & put on his authoritive face.

He coughed to attract attention.

Kaoru, who was in the process of being wrapped up in wrapping paper by Shinya, turned to face Kyo, while Shinya waved.

"Perfect!" said Shinya enthusiastically. "We could use an extra set of hands."

"For what??" exclaimed Kyo, glancing wide-eyed from one to the other.

"Well," said Kaoru. "We're finished with the wrapping paper, but we still haven't put on the bow…you can tie nice knots, could you do that?"

Kyo threw up his hands. "What the fuck for?"

"It's Kirk Hammet's birthday," Kaoru explained casually. "I'm gonna be his present!"

Kyo frowned. "Why?"

Kaoru raised an eyebrow. "Have you _seen_ him?!? Hell-o Phillipino!"

Kyo's expression turned to outright disgust.

"You know he' married?"

"So?" retorted Kaoru with a sneer. "Once he sees what's under _here_," he tugged at the wrapping," he won't want her anymore."

_Oh holy fuck, what have I gotten myself into? _Kyo thought with a shake of his head, his messy blonde hair getting into his eyes. Pushing it out of his face, he sighed.

"Fine, I'll do it. But if anyone asks, I didn't & I just came to get pissed," he said as Shinya passed him a pretty red ribbon.

"Which I still intend on doing," he growled as he reached around Kaoru to wrap the bow around his thin waist. Hastily tying the bow, he made his way as quick as humanly possible to the mini- bar.

"I have to admit Kaoru," he said, swallowing a mouthful of spirit. " I never thought you swung that way."

Kaoru wiggled his ass, testing the flexibility of his paper cocoon.

"Why wouldn't I for a creature that fine?"

Kyo busied himself by digging into the mini-bar, pretending not to have heard. Shinya opened the door to the room & Kaoru hopped out.

"You coming Kyo?" he asked.

Kyo emerged from the mini-bar, at least a dozen tiny bottled cradled in his arms.

"Hai," he replied," I have to see this."

Somehow managing to find a key card to the poor Philipino guitarist's room, Kaoru, Shinya & Kyo got to work. Or rather, Kaoru & Shinya did while Kyo sat in a corner, watching, getting steadily more intoxicated.

Balloons & Banners put in place; Kaoru took position, stretched out like a tiger in the middle of the room. Shinya turned the lights off & groped his way to the armchair.

A nights worth of celebrations over, Kirk was eager to get a good nights sleep. He wearily shouldered open his door. All the lights were off, but he could here movement in the room. He flipped the switch & immediately wished he hadn't. In the room were three Japanese men, unmistakably from the band they played with earlier. Two sat in the armchair, one of whom was downing bottle after bottle form _his_ mini-bar, he noted, while the third, wrapped in shiny paper, adorned with a huge bow, got up from his pose on the coffee table & began stalking sexily towards him.

"Happy birthday, Mr. Hammet," he began to sing in English, in a voice that reminded Kirk of Marilyn Monroe, only not as sexy. _Or is it?_

Too surprised to move, all Kirk could do was look on in sur-fucking-prise.

"Care to open your present?" Kaoru suggested sexily in slightly accented English.

Kyo couldn't help but let out a short cackle before stifling it. Kirk jumped in surprise at the laughter before remembering there were other people in the room.

Kirk's mouth moved desperately, trying to form words. After what seemed like an age of confused stammering, he managed to regain control of his vocal chords.

"N-no!" he squeaked, backing out through the door.

"Oh, come on!" Kaoru said with a pout. He took three more hops forward." Don't be shy!"

With that he leaned into Kirk's face & began to slowly rip the paper himself.

Unable to control himself any longer, Kirk let out a high pitched scream & ran out of the room.

Kaoru pouted & turned to Shinya.

"He's playing hard to get, ne?"

"Hai, that has to be it."

"Su-ure, Kao. That _has _to be the reason. You're not going hic commando under there, ne?" Kyo slurred, trying to stand but failing miserably. Kaoru glared at him but didn't reply.

Lars woke from his drunken stupor to an incessant banging on his door. Picking himself up off of the couch, he half - staggered across the room.

"Yah, yah, I ist herr!" he yelled in his native Danish.

He swung the door open & there stood Kirk, wide-eyed & breathless from his mad dash down the hall. His hair was in disarray & his face was flushed.

"Can I come in?" he gasped, glancing nervously form side to side.

"Sure," Lars replied, stepping aside as Kirk thrust the door shut behind him.

"What happened?"

Kirk sat down on the couch where Lars joined him. He put his head in his hands; he was shaking. Las put an arm around him. "What's wrong, man?"

"One of those guys," Kirk shrieked, "came on to me!"

Lars raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Really?…Are you sure? I mean, with different customs 'n' all….Are you sure?"

Kirk looked at him with an expression that said " how retarded do you think I am?"

"Of course I'm goddamn sure, man! I'm not retarded for fuck's sake!"

After a log silence, Lars began to giggle.

"Heheheh, someone has a boyfriend," he began to tease." Must be your boyish charm, huh?"

Kirk glared at him but couldn't help but laugh too.

"Yeah, I guess so."

He stopped abruptly though, not completely recovered from his ordeal.

"Ugh," he groaned, a shudder flowing up his spine.

"Come on, man," Lars said, drawing Kirk into a tight hug.

"We've all had experiences like that before. Remember that guy in Paris? Fucking Arnie du Pigeón."

Kirk returned the embrace gratefully & laughed.

"Yeah…but," he struggled with his words for a moment. "I don't know what is was about this time…Really made me question my sexuality."

Their eyes locked. Lars knew he should recoil, but he couldn't summon the will. Instead he found himself pulling Kirk's face towards his own.

Lars leaned in closer, so close that his lips almost brushed against Kirk's. _Really_ beginning to doubt his sexuality, Kirk couldn't help but get excited.

"Um…"Kirk began.

"Sshh..." Lars whispered, & kissed him.

Kirk kissed back, pulling Lars on top of him. He gasped as the weight of Lars' body squeezed the air out of his lungs. He pushed aside all thoughts of his sexuality & slipped his hot tongue past Lars' lips.

Lars opened his mouth & flicked Kirk's tongue with his own. A ragged moan escaped his mouth & he tore the shirt away from Kirk's beautiful, mocha-coloured, mocha-smooth chest.

Panting, Lars began placing butterfly kisses all over Kirk's neck.

2L-lower." Kirk moaned.

Lars complied, slowly kissing his chest.

"Lower."

Lars moved down to his stomach, his trembling fingers fumbling with his pants button.

"Too low!" Kirk shrieked.

Lars continued to kiss lower.

"Lower," Kirk moaned.

Lars ran a finger along Kirk's waistline. Kirk gasped & jolted, almost knocking him off. Lars chuckled & withdrew his hand.

"Don't tease me," Kirk growled.

Just as Lars was about to fulfil his promise, there came another bang at the door.

"Hey, Lars, it's James," Hetfield called from outside. "Have you seen Kirk?"

"Uh…No," Lars called back.

"Huh, that's funny, the bellboy said he was him knock on your door," James replied. "Well, I'm bored, mind if I hang with you for a while?"

"Uh…" Lars said, stalling. He quickly got off Kirk & indicated for him to hide in the wardrobe. Kirk buttoned up his pants & ran for the closet. Once hidden, Lars opened the door for James.

"What took so fucking long, man?" said James, stepping through the door.

"If it was back in the old days, I'd say you had a chick in here."

Lars let out an unusually high-pitched false laugh & shut the door. James sat down & gazed casually around the room. His eyes fell on the closet whose door was slightly ajar. He stood up & went to shut it but Lars beat him to it, quickly running over & slamming the door shut.

James frowned at him as he made an attempt to sit down casually.

"You _don't_ have a chick in here, do you?"

"No!" Lars retorted in an offended tone.

"Good," said James. " 'Coz, you know, man, I don't think I could let you do that to Skylar."

Lars put his hand on his heart.

"I can honestly say I don't have a girl in here."

"Good, good," James replied. "So what's in the closet? What's secret that you have to hide it from one of your closest friends?"

"Uh…"Lars began, his still-drunk mind desperately trying to come up with a decent excuse.

Just at that moment both men hears the unmistakable crash of something expensive breaking. Lars let out a sigh of relief & thanked whatever god was watching over him. Curiosity getting the better of them, they left the hotel room to investigate.


	2. Chapter 2

Kyo looked in puzzlement at he shards of pottery that had once been an expensive Venetian vase that now adorned the floor. He and an equally intoxicated Robert Trujillo exchanged worried glances.

"What're we gonna do?" said Rob, frantic-tic-tic-tic-tic-tic-tockly picking shards from the strings of his bass-guitar as he returned it to its stand.

"Well, we'll just have to clean it up." Replied Kyo matter-of-factly.

He went to the door of Rob's hotel room, Turning around, he saw Rob holding a beautiful crystal wineglass.

"Put that down!" he commanded.

"But I – "

"NOW!"

Rob obediently replaced the glass.

"Now sit!" Kyo pointed to one of the armchairs. Rob sat. "Stay! I'll be back soon. Just…just don't touch anything."

Kyo stumbled out of the room in search of a broom closet. He righted himself with some effort and lurched down the hall.

"What better thing to look for to clean up broken stuff all over the floor…" He mused. Remembering how he had dealt with such situations as a child.

Vision completely blurred and spinning, it was a wonder Kyo managed to find a closet at all. Taking no notice of the odd – yet strangely familiar – sounds emanating from behind the door, Kyo swung it wide open. It took him a moment or two for his sake-soaked mind to register just what exactly he was seeing.

"Kao…don't you have a room to do that? I mean – come on! Show some class with that gi-" Kyo's eyes suddenly widened to the size of oranges.

"Shin….Kao…wha…!"

Kaoru and Shinya looked back at Kyo in horror, bodies frozen. There was only one thing though was sensible to do. He shut the door and walked back to Rob's room. Meeting Lars and Kirk in the hallway on the way back, he bowed in a manner he thought casual and continued on, as though he was walking away from the most normal thing in the world.

The next morning the two bands sat to a private breakfast together. Die and Toshiya were behaving rather friendly, Shiny and Kaoru seemed to have returned to normal, though none of the four had yet summoned the courage to look Kyo in the eye.

Kirk and Lars were making an attempt at normality, which seemed to be fooling everyone. Mostly because no-one could see what was going on under the table.

Kyo spoke to no-one. He had spent half the night carefully extracting the vase from Rob's carpet, and had the holes in his hands to prove it. His sleep had been fitful, full of disturbing dreams, involving confined spaces and mansex.

Trying to break the awkward silence, Shinya asked. "So what'd you want to do today, Kyo?"

Kyo grunted in response and rose from his seat. He took the time to turn and say. "I know what all of _you_ want to, so I'm going to get pissed."

He bowed to the other band, James and Rob nodded in response. Kirk, who was staring into space, with both hands hidden under the table, and Lars, who was sitting back in his seat with his eyes closed, didn't seem to notice him. He strolled out and banged the door shut, eager to find the nearest bar.

"He must really be pissed off at us, it's only two." Die remarked quietly in Japanese, wanting to keep the discussion within the band.

"Just leave him. He'll do what he wants, and when he's had his fun with the hookers and blackjack he'll be back to normal." Kaoru rationalised, rising from his seat.

"I think we'd better leave those two alone, ne?" he added loudly in English, gesturing to Kirk and Lars, who were emitting louder and louder moans.

With less than pleased looks about what had been brought to their attention, James and Rob left the room hurriedly with the remaining members of Diru.

At eight o'clock that night, Kyo had not left the comfort of alcohol. He had been thrown out of the initial sake bar that he had gone to. Now he sat alone at the bar of an Irish pub, drinking some God-awful foreign substance called "Harp".

He bristled when a shadow fell across him, expecting to see one of the others, and he had no desire whatsoever to talk to them.

Instead, a troll-like man with ginger hair sat beside him.

"Hey." The stranger said. "What's your name?"

The accent was thick and so utterly blue-collar American white-trash, Kyo almost laughed aloud.

"Kyo." Came the uncomfortable reply.

"I'm Jason." Replied the troll. He stook out a hand. "Jason Newsted."

Kyo stared at the hand offered to him but didn't touch it. He had a bad feeling about this guy – and goddammit, if all the alcohol in his system wasn't suppressing it, it _had _to be bad.

Voice slurred incredibly and mind fogged by all the "Harp", Kyo replied in what he hoped was English.

"How the fuck did I end up in a yaoi1 bar?"

With that he made an attempt to stand and leave. But, alas, six hours of drinking, give or take, had had terrible effects on his equilibrium and he ended up sinking to the sticky-with-mystery-substances floor.

Kyo woke up just as Newsted was settling him into one of the booths that the pub sported. It was comfortable, and he found himself almost lapsing back into a more natural sleep, but Jason nudged him. He felt a cool sensation on his lips and saw that the other man was holding a glass of water to his mouth.

"Here, drink this." Newsted said quietly, tilting the glass.

Kyo gulped it down and stuck his tongue out: It tasted rancid.

"I got a painkiller from one of the guys at the bar." Newsted explained. "You hit your head pretty bad."

Kyo struggled to give him at least a "thanks". He felt light-headed all of a sudden. His tongue seemed too big, he couldn't form words around it…It was awfully warm in here…He needed to sleep…..

Kyo awoke to a dimly lit room and an excruciating pain in his ass. Trying to gather his thoughts together to figure out what was going on, me attempted to stand up, but found he couldn't he hurt all over in the worst possible places.

Closing his eyes slowly in registration, he snapped them open again as he suddenly became aware of someone watching him.

Even in the shitty lighting, Kyo recognised the figure in the corner as the creepy troll from the bar.

"Hello sailor." Jason cooed with a disturbing smile. He turned on the lights, making Kyo wince as the sudden flood of light stung his eyes.

Mind clearing, Kyo realised he was in a compromising situation. He also regained some memory of his ordeal. Tears welled in his eyes.

"Foocha2!" he screamed at the twisted ginger.

Newsted chuckled. "That's not what you called me earlier, lover."

Kyo made as if to lunge at him, but the pain held him in place. He whimpered and lay still.

"That's right." Newsted growled. The evil ginge stood up and opened the bathroom door. "I'm going to clean myself up, you filthied me, Jap. You do the same, you hear? You want to look respectable on the way home."

Kyo waited silently until the lock clicked before moving. Ignoring his agony, and the bloodstains on the sheets, he got dressed carefully. When decent, he decided to take action.

Picking up the foocha's bass guitar from its stand in the corner, Kyo waited outside the bathroom door. He lifted it high above his head and planted his feet wide apart.

Newsted never saw the first blow coming. It impacted between his shoulder-blades as he strode into the room. He went down and Kyo began pummelling at his ribs, rejoicing in every snap. Jason rolled over, coughing and gagging as his mouth overflowed with his own blood. Kyo was merciful enough to end the man's pain quicker than his had been finished. He struck Trollsted hard in the right temple, closing his eyes in ecstasy at the sound of the skull crunching inward. Death was instantaneous once the shards penetrated the brain.

Panting, Kyo threw the bass aside and spat on the foocha's body. He limped as fast as he could to the window. He was in downtown Tokyo, not too far from the hotel, but his ass was so sore…

"What the fuck am I gonna do??" he murmured to himself.

Inspired by the glaring city lights, Kyo dashed (as best he could) over to the mini-bar. There he pulled out the entire stock of alcohol and poured it all over the foocha's body. He took our a lighter and threw it to the ground, the resulting explosion created enough spark to ignite the fuel and begin Trollsted's cremation.

Kyo quickly ran out of the door and down the stairwell, ignoring the darting pains in his intimate regions. On the way he rationalised what he had just done, Newsted deserved it, for what he did. He was evil. God knows how many he had raped in his time. Kyo had done the world a favour.3

Back at the hotel, James Hetfield and Robert Trujillo had been left alone as everyone had gradually departed their company in pairs. They were quite disturbed by the thought of the company that they were presently keeping They were also annoyed about the way that they had learned about Lars and Kirk.

"It's not like it's much of a surprise." James mused. "I mean, those two were always awfully…friendly."

"Yeah!" Rob laughed. "I've seen some of the pictures."

"Hmm." James replied with a nod. "but that was always…just messin' around…at least I thought it was."

"It's still Kirk and Lars." Said Rob.

"Yeah." James replied. "…_yeah_! Why am I making such a big deal of this?!"

He laughed and stood up. He slapped rob on the shoulder as he passed him.

"I'm going to the pisser, man." He chuckled. "Be right back."

Rob waited patiently, not even turning when he heard the door open. Only James' poorly surpassed laughter made him look.

They both burst out laughing, There stood James Hetfield, lips heavily rouged and eyes clumsily lined with charcoal taken from Kirk's bag. His hair was jelled into spikes. To top off the whole look he had put on some of Lars' tight latex trousers and a pair of large hooped earrings.

"Fuck! You look like a drag queen!" Rob managed to utter between fits of laughter.

"Don't I know it!" James wheezed. "I feel so pretty! You think they'd let me into Dir En Grey?"

"You certainly look the fucking part!"

Within 15 minutes, Rob looked just as…._pretty_….as James.

Not wanting to be alone, Kyo scoured the hotel in search of his friends and tour-mates. It wasn't late – 10.30 – so Kyo knocked loudly on Die and Toshiya's door.

Toshiya answered, wearing silky purple dressing gown.

"Kyo!" he exclaimed. "Didn't expect you back so soon!" he grinned and leaned against the doorframe, taking a drag from his cigarette and regarding him thoughtfully.

"Yeah, well. Things happened." Kyo pointed to the dressing gown. "Need I ask?"

"The less you know, Kyo-kun, the better." Tochi said with a wink.

"Where's Die?" Kyo asked, not acknowledging the statement.

"Gone out for…supplies."

Kyo grumbled and turned around .

"Kyo?"

"Mmm?"

"Why are you limping?"

"…Don't ask. Just…don't."

Kyo had to bang as hard as he could on Kaoru's door in order to be heard over the drone of an ancient hotel-issue hairdryer. Shinya opened the door, holding said apparatus in his hands.

"Kyo!" he said cheerfully. "Just in time! I'm curling Kao's hair, could you gimme a hand."

"No." growled Kyo, walking hastily away.

"Kyo?"

"What, Shin?"

"You're walking kinda funny. Did you hurt yourself?"

"NO!"

Unable to find solace in the company of his own bandmates, Kyo made his way up to Lars Ulrich's suite. The door was ajar when he got there, and he could hear a commotion within. Kyo swung it wide open.

A fire was crackling on the hearth, obviously Lars and Kirk wanted to spend the night alone. But something had gone wrong, both men were on their feet, and Lars was beating at Kirk's head with a pillow.

"Stand still!" Lars shouted. "There's a spark in your hair!"

"Well get it out, get it out!" Kirk whimpered, pawing at his curly locks.

Kyo shut the door and said nothing

The door to Rob's room was open as well, but he and James were not there. Kyo came out on the hall and bumped into two strangers heading for the room.

"Gommen nasai." He muttered, looking up. His eyes widened when he saw who it was. With all the make-up on their faces, it was a miracle he recognised James Hetfield and Robert Trujillo at all.

Kyo's frustration bubbled over. "WHERE ARE ALL THE MEN?!" he yelled, and ran away as fast as he could.

Kyo barely had enough alcohol in his minibar to cleanse the wounds he had suffered that night. After an hour's painful self-doctoring in the bathroom, Kyo flopped down on his couch, only to be immediately disturbed by a knock on the door.

It was Tochi, standing in the hall in his dressing gown, looking like a lost puppy.

"Can I come in?" he croaked, wringing his hands together fretfully.

"Why aren't you with Die?" Kyo snapped back.

Toshiya lowered his head in embarrassment. "We had a fight. I need somewhere to stay, just for tonight. I can't find my own keys."

Kyo stood aside. "Fine."

Tochi giggled. "Arigatou, Kyo-sama." He said, trotting in.

Kyo sat down again on the couch and Tochi sat beside him. Kyo kept his gaze lowered. He hardly admitted it to himself what had happened, never mind his young friend.

"What's wrong?" whispered Tochi

Kyo said nothing. He was shaking.

"Are you afraid of me?" Tochi scooted over on the couch.

Kyo just looked at the carpet.

Tochi's breath was in his ear, his kisses on his neck. "Kyo, Kyo. Why so distant?"

Kyo turned and caught Toshiya's lips in his own. Tochi pulled away, shocked.

"Kyo…" he gasped. "I-I never thought you'd…."

Kyo shrugged. "You look enough like a girl."

Toshiya kissed his neck. "Don't be so cruel, Kyo. Don't deny it!"

"You're supposed to be with Die." Kyo muttered, not responding, neither to encourage nor hinder Tochi.

"Do I look like I'm with Die?" Toshiya giggled, shoving Kyo down on the couch. "Loosen up, man."

Kyo growled at the sudden roughness, but couldn't help enjoying it.

Toshiya kissed him roughly, working on the buttons of Kyo's shirt with nimble fingers. This time Kyo responded, pushing his tongue into the other man's mouth. Slutty or not, Toshiya was attractive, and right now he was doing all the right things.

The exchange didn't last long; the door swung open suddenly. A shadow fell over them and they both looked up, like rabbits caught in headlights. There stood Shinya, glaring at them with his hands on his hips.

"Kyo you little HYPOCRITE!" he bellowed, launching over them on his possum wings.

He made a dramatic loop-the-loop before making for the window on the opposite wall. However, he failed to notice that it was closed, and flew headlong into it with an awful "THUNK!"

Kyo and Toshiya stifled fits of laughter as Shinya scrambled up from the floor and dashed out of the room, clutching his nose. The second he was gone, they both burst into hysterical laughter. Which soon died away to an uncomfortable silence.

"So…." Kyo ventured after a long pause.

"Yep…." Toshiya countered.

"Think he'll tell anyone?" Kyo asked.

"Pfft! He's Shinya. Of course he will!" Toshiya snorted. "Not ashamed, are you Kyo-kun? Caught with another guy?"

"Fuck off." Kyo snarled. He pushed Toshiya away. "Get out!"

Toshiya growled. "Fine, you fucking homophobe!!"

He jumped from the couch, turned on his heel and stormed from the room.

Kyo put his head in his hands and screamed in frustration.

Toshiya went to Kirk and Lars' room, unsure of why. Kirk answered the door.

"Oh hi!" The Filipino said with a grin. "Come on in, your friends are already here."

"Friends?" Toshiya echoed. He walked in and spotted Kaoru on the couch. "Hey."

Kaoru nodded back. Lars walked past, pulling on his coat. He gave Tochi an enthusiastic thump on the shoulder.

"Take a seat, man." Lars said. "I'm goin' out to grab some fuckin' beer."

"Arigato" Toshiya replied, sitting next to Kaoru.

Kirk sat in one of the armchairs and observed the two. Kaoru and Toshiya were speaking in hushed voices, but in English so as not to seem too rude.

"What happened to Die?" asked Kaoru.

"We had a fight." Tochi murmured, downcast.

"Yeah, me and Shinya did, too."

"Maybe we made a mistake."

"Hai." Said Kao. "Or maybe we're with the wrong people…" He turned to Kirk. "What do you think, Mr.Hammett?"

Kirk's eyes widened. "I don't know!" He answered shrilly. Memories of the night before flashed through his mind. Along with one thought: _Oh God, please don't let them say I've a pretty mouth!!_

Kaoru laughed, seeing the panic in Kirk's eyes. There was a brief silence, broken after some time by Toshiya's soft chuckle.

"You'd think this was a fanfiction, ne? All the drama…"

Both Kirk and Kaoru raised confused eyebrows. Kaoru sensed one of Tochi's odd moods coming on – they never ended well.

There came another knock on the door, Kirk jumped up, glad to have someone to protect him from the two freaks occupying the couch.

He was not so happy when James and Rob burst into the room, both looking like David Bowie on a bad day and gasping for air in the midst of fits of hysterical laughter.

"Kirk!" James choked. "How the FUCK do you get this shit off??"

Rob doubled over laughing. "We look like fucking drag queens!" He gasped.

Kirk slapped his forehead. "Stay right there, I'll get some cleanser."

James looked at Toshiya, who winked. He coughed nervously and looked away. Rob snickered. Wrong move: Toshiya trotted over and stroked his long raven hair. "Its sooo silky!" Tochi squealed. "Like a male Pocahontas!"

Five awkward seconds later, Lars crashed through the door, arms cradling a large supply of precious alcohol. Behind him trailed Kyo, Shinya and Die. James and Rob, who were busily scraping the contents of Kirk's toilet bag off their faces, turned and waved, Lars raised an eyebrow at them but said nothing.

"Hey!" he said to Kirk. "Lookee who I found looming outside our door!" He nodded toward the three Asians, who had been joined by their lost lovers. Diru hastily retreated into the hallway. Toshiya lingered for a moment, then went over to Kirk.

"Excuse me, um…Mr.Metallica….but could I touch your hair?" he whispered.

Kirk gulped. "O…kay…"

Toshiya's hand shot out and tugged at on of the dark ringlets. He gasped. "Oooh, you guys are so lucky! A Pocahontas _and_ a Poodlé!"

Then he dashed out and slammed the door.

"What's up with them?!" James exclaimed.

"Relationship problems…" Kirk muttered.

Even with the door shut, Dir en grey spoke in hushed Japanese.

"Look." Said Kaoru. "We all new this sort of thing would cause problems, right?"

"Hai!" Kyo agreed, enthusiastically.

"But now things have happened. And we can't change that, but what should we do now?" Kaoru looked around.

"I think…" Shinya chirped shyly. "That apologies have to be made…That would be the best way to begin…"

"I did nothing wrong!" Kao immediately went on defensive.

"And neither did I." Giggled Tochi. Die glared at him. "Oh come on Die-kun, you knew I was a little slut. You expected me_ not _to cheat?

He extracted a small box from his pocket and flipped it open to reveal a small stash of the white stuff. He had almost begun to make a line when two blurred figures descended on him.

It was Kirk and Lars; guided to the coke by the sixth sense of former users, the long-forgotten urges had possessed them and they now crushed poor Toshiya in their scramble to get the snowy gold. Die reacted instantly, picking up the discarded box and throwing it out the open window beside him. Lars took the bait and lunged after it. Kirk, having a bit more sense, decided to use the fire escape.

_This was written in loving memory of the members of Dir en grey and Metallica, who met their ends in the following ways:_

_Lars Ulrich: Fell 5 storeys before being impaled on his own drumkit, which just so happened to be brought out the front door as he jumped._

_Kirk Hammett: Was attacked and bitten by a rabid poodle on his way down the fire escape. In spite of her many attempts to train him afterward, Lani eventually grew impatient and had him live in a dog house in the back garden. He caught cold and died next to his water dish._

_James Hetfield: Died at the hands of a Japanese man that really DID know kung-fu._

_Robert Trujillo: Went on to buy a large mansion in Malibu. Unfortunately, no-one told him that the property had been built over an ancient-Indian burial ground. One night he was strangled to death with his own hair by the ghost of Pocahontas._

_Hara Toshimasa: Received a full set of broken ribs when Lars and Kirk landed on his brittle frame, inevitably resulting in a punctured lung. He choked to death on his own blood in the hallway. Die was very much aggrieved, especially when the hotel sent him the cleaning bill…_

_Ando Daisuke: Made the fatal mistake of lighting up a cig whilst putting in hair spray. In his last few seconds he was a worthy rival to the Human Torch._

_Terachi Shinya: Was cruising along one day on his possum-wings and neglected to keep track of his altitude. He was sucked into the turbine of a low-flying plane. Passers-by experienced a rather unpleasant rain._

_Niikura Kaoru: Unable to live without his lover, chewed through a live wire and re-enacted a scene from "The Green Mile" don't ever forget the sponge!_

_Niimura Tooru: Kyo died of a new and previously unseen STD contracted from one Jason Newsted. It caused an onset of ginge-ism, slow decay of the reproductive organs, and eventual death._

**The End**

_**Sorry Metallica.**_

_**Gomen nasai, Dir en grey.**_

_**Please forgive us, Kyosan!**_

1 "gay"

2 Kyo can't say "fucker". Lol, he's so cute!

3 What a logical boy our Kyo-kun is, ne?


End file.
